I'm not ready

Sweet Pea starts preschool in August.  She will be in school two days a week for two hours.  She won't be gone that long.  And I will probably quickly realize how much or how little I can get done with one child twice a week for two hours.  But right now, I'm not ready.

Sweet Pea has been missing school (full day daycare) since I have been home.  For the first three months I was home, we had regular visits to her school.  We visited her teachers and friends for less than an hour once a week.  Sweet Pea hated leaving.  The visits tapered off, but whenever we drove past the school (several times a week), she would ask if we were going or when we could go next.  

After being home for six months, one of her old daycare teachers moved back to the area and started watching the kids for a couple hours twice a week.  Having Miss Shutterbug back in our life was a blessing.  Sweet Pea and Monkey loved having her visit.  And I loved having the chance to go to the grocery store on my own, during daylight hours, to get our weekly shopping done.  I ran seven errands, got lunch and made it back early the first day Miss S was back in our lives.  In May, Miss S moved away again.  And the calls for school increased from Sweet Pea.  

In June, we picked a preschool.  Technically, we picked it in April but didn't get around to letting them know (read paying registration) until a few weeks ago.  Since that time, RoadTripDaddy and I have talked more about school with Sweet Pea.  She is beyond excited.  In fact, Sweet Pea wants to go to school so badly that after financial registration (for preschool not college), she had a total meltdown in the parking lot because  she didn't want to leave.  During the meltdown, RoadTripDaddy was left to contend with Sweet Pea, while I hightailed it to the car with Monkey, silently praying that no one looked outside.

The next night at dinner Sweet Pea calmly tells RoadTripDaddy and I that she wants to go to school.  She explained that we "don't need to worry because I won't miss you while I'm at school."  Sweet Pea asked if she could take her little brother.  She said that she wanted Monkey to be with her.  She wanted him to meet her friends and learn too.  RoadTripDaddy and I looked at each other with smiles.  And tears rolled down my cheeks.  Because "she's ready."  She "won't miss us."  We "shouldn't worry."

She may be ready but I'm not.  Thankfully I know that we have another month before school.  And I'm pretty sure she will miss us.  Even if it's just a little.